Saturday, August 30, 2008

I Heart Hospitals

I must really like hospitals. Or doctors, maybe that's it. Or maybe my body is just falling apart.

I went to the OB/GYN yesterday and I "get" to have surgery on the 18th. I have endometriosis and have since I was a teen. Although there are other "options", I think getting in there and getting rid of what she can, now, is the best bet. Here's the other new fun options that have been developed in recent years.

1. IUD - this is an interuterine device. It is implanted and pretty much bumps around in there so that if you did become pregnant, that poor little baby would be murderd and the lining of his/her home would be irritated so badly that he/she couldn't settle in properly. ((((shudder)))) I guess this device has been clinically proven to lessen cramping for some women.


Next we have an injection called:

2. Lupron - this drug tricks your body into thinking you have gone into menopause. The fact that you no longer have your cycle means no more pain. Side effects are so horrible for this drug that it is generally used as a last resort.

3. Birth Control Pills - Once again, there is a chance - albeit a small one - that the drugs would cause a fertilized egg (also known as a BABY) to be damaged or fail to implant thereby killing him/her.

4. Narcotics and Anti-Inflamatories - The anti-inflamatories taken 3 days prior, during and combined with the Narcotics at night to control pain. This is what the plan is until surgery and there after.

My doctor was really pushing the first option and the second one as well. I had an ultrasound yesterday that showed cysts on both ovaries. She wanted to inject me with hormones to make the burst and the "see what happens".

I have "seen what happens" and it's not good. I have also done the antioxidant push, have a regulare exercise schedule and streching regimine and get enough fiber for heavens sake!! Sheesh - it's like talking to a brick wall year after year - and I'm done being patted on the head. Something is really wrong and needs to be addressed!!

So, it's not that I really like hospitals. Nor do I have a "thing" for doctors. I'm just at the end of the line, out of options and ready to feel better.

Friday, August 29, 2008

On My Mind

There is a topic that is on my mind lately. A friend of my on MySpace posted new pictures of her and one of her friends living it up at a bar/club/can't tell. They appear to be impared and there are photos of one of them with her head up the shirt of another chick.

Hmmmm. Now, let me qualify this by saying I am not "judging" as I have no qualification or desire to do that. I am, however, concerned when I see people being "happy". For me, happiness doesn't include a hangover, or going somewhere where I have to compare my 30 something body with the 20 somethings.

And maybe I just want to stir the pot, open that can or worms, or rock the boat. I'm kind of that way. Either way, let's discuss.

Maybe the whole bar scene is okay when your in your 20's. But by the time you are in your 30's it's just kind of sad. I couldn't help but think about these women's kids when I was looking at these pictures of them drinking and acting like idiots. Both of them have sons - are they the kind of women they would want thier sons to marry? And would they even want thier sons to see these pictures?

I feel like I'm in the minority of women my age. My desire to stay home and care for my family and home is a bygone notion. I have no desire to be a carreer woman or climb the corporate ladder. I have three children and would like more. I take pride in feeding my family healthy and tasty meals, and when my bathroom is clean it makes me smile.

So what's the fascination? Is it another example of the God shaped hole in the hearts of men and women in thier 30's that are looking for happiness in the bars? Is it simply boredom, or lack of motivation to do anything but what they've always done? Am I a touch envious that some get "time off" and I don't?

Probably a little of all of the above.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Not Drunk Just Overweight

Well, I ran into the arms of Godfather's pizza. The kids are junking out on TV and the baby is playing with a package of wipes. I may not be making the very best choices, but I stayed away from the really bad one. Thank you Jesus.

I'm in Trouble

That voice is back. The one that has, for a while now, been trying to convince me that a glass of wine wouldn't hurt. Now that voices is a full fledged entity causing me to pause as a drive by bars at 7am.

This happens when I get overwrought, overtired and overextended. While the logical choice is to ensure that I get some rest, the alcoholic in me suggests that we kill the pain temporarily and press on like some great martyr nailed to the cross of perseverance.

Really, it's just a ploy. She's always in there. And always will be. It was three years in June since my last drink and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I cannot be a "normal" drinker. I don't drink to celebrate, socialize, or relax (okay, those too.) But I drink to forget, soothe, and deal with life. When I quit, I had to re-learn coping techniques to deal with everyday life.

Being sober for over three years, I am somewhat of a veteran recovering alcoholic. And not only with length of time, but quality of life is factored in to recovery. Have I changed? Do I try to remain honest, have I made changes to my lifestyle (friends, places I go, etc.) am I involved in helping others?

Yes! I am a totally different person these days.

So why does She come back? It's like a plague. I get weak and tired and She is right there, dormant and waiting. Insidious and patient. Calculating Her strategy and ready to pounce when my defenses are down.

I guess that's why the recovery programs suggest that you get hooked up with other people that are making a change in their lives. My husband is from a totally different side of the tracks than I am. While I know that there would be no consequences, necessarily, he would be very concerned and frightened for me. I don't want to put him or the kids through that. And really, that's the only thing keeping me sober right now.

I am SO finished with my job. I've hated it for a couple of years now. Now that I have a plan, I find it very hard to show up everyday.

Susan is really bothering me as well. She cries when she sees me in the afternoon because David is leaving. So then she cries and screams for about – oh…- till bed time. I can't hardly get her to eat, and when I take her to the nursery at church she screams. It feels like Alahnnah, revisited. Lord, I don't know if I can do that again.

At least this time I'm not alone. Oh, yeah, wait. I am. My husband works second shift, so I am dealing with another screamer all by myself. And also, she doesn't do it for him, so it's entirely for my benefit.

Drink, anyone?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Be Where Your Hands Are

During my last tour of the 12-Step Program world, my sposor would regularly tell me to be where my hands were. What that means, is to concentrate on the moment. It's a hard thing to do.

With all the things you have to do in a day the urge to multi-task is overwealming. It's very common to do more than one thing at one time. In fact, if you are someone that does not do that very well, you may be seen as somewhat underachieving. And if you multi-task very well people say things like, "my she's organized and driven".

I tend to multi-task much to well, albeit only for a time. I often take care of my personal banking, make a grocery list, mentally plan dinner and work on the day's A/P all at once. I don't know any other way. My mind is constantly churning, planning and devising. When it stops making sense I start praying.

Trying to build a business from home over the internet has exaserbated the problem. I do marketing on my own so I am forever thinking of new ways to do what it is I do. I open internet window after window and surf at lightining speed. All while folding laundry and helping with geometry homework.

One thing isn't so good done all at once and that's worrying. I have never been a big fretter and I'm aparently to durn dumb to be scared of much of anything, but lately my troubles are multiplying in my head like a couple of lovestruck bunnies.

I found myself today, hating Monday already. Now here it is, barely Saturday night and I'm already dreading the start of the week. Now that I have a plan formulated for changing our situation I should feel better, right? Well, with any change there is risk. Although I have to say that when I pray about it, I get a good feeling about the change. But I feel so oppressed and overwraught that even the rest that I've gotten is wasted in worry.

As a result of prayer, I have that old time worn saying swirling about in my head. Just Be Where My Hands Are! So, I guess it's time to shut down this computer, sit down on the couch nex to that handsome man over there (I think that 's my husband??) and enjoy the time we have right now.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Struck Down but Not Destroyed

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Just wanted you to remember that.

I'm feeling alot of turmoil due to my job situation. I feel loyal to them but I am just absolutely fed up with all of it. Nothing changes, the rules apply to certain people and not to others, blah blah blah.

I quit!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Should Be Doing Something

guess I should be doing something other than putzing around on the computer. I have leads that really need calling... My brain feels like bread pudding. Today I made it through the day by the sheer will of God and some trust and stubbornness on my part.

Right now I am listening to the kids fight in the girls' room. The baby is screaming non stop now because she just gets into everything!! Consequently I tell her no constantly. Tonight she learned to climb the steps and pinced her fingres in the dresser drawers! Oh boy, poor baby!

I am also listening to my son complain... about EVERYTHING! He is whining about doing the dishes, about sitting down about standing up - sheesh! He's mad at me. I decided that he can't go over to his friends house anymore. I like the kid - but his mom smokes in the house and they are allowed to play video games that I don't like Liam to play.

He went over there several times this summer, I was sort of on the fence. I mean, you can't shelter them from everything, right? But I think I made the right decision, as he came home this afternoon and told me that this kids' dad is in jail now. Yikes.

Well, anyway. Tomorrow is Friday. I am having coffee with a friend on Saturday morning and lots of Husband time the rest of the weekend. Yahoo and Hooray!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


A couple of months ago I wrote a blog entitled "I Can Do Whatever I Want". I have been disenchanted with my current working situation for some time, but just lack the cahones to do anything about it.

I started a home based business and am having marginal success. I believe in the company, it's founder and CEO and it's products. I have a tremendous support team and all the free training I can handle.

But I'm tired. It will take approximately another year to build my business to the point where I can do it alone and discontinue working outside the home. That's not very long! But it is when you have a full time job and three kids to boot.

Maybe I'm just going through a funk. I get tired and things get out of focus. I had a wonderful weekend last weekend, but it was majorly depleting in a physical sense. I'm weary and I miss my husband so bad! If I could only find a way to work from home soon so he could work a normal shift. I hate not seeing each other all week... we're newlyweds for Heaven's sake!

I also have a bad taste in my mouth from my last review. I have been mildly annoyed with the situation at work since I returned from maternity leave a year ago. Things have seemed "weird" to me. Lots of closed doors, secret meetings that last for hours...dunno, maybe it's me and how I precieve things.

To be honest, I came home today and told my husband that I didn't want to go back to my job anymore. I want to start a home daycare. I want to get licensed and have a pre-school program for 2 or 3 and then one more baby besides my own. I have had this thought for some time, but it's not something that one just blurts out!

I love my other business and plan to continue to maintain my customer base. I would like to obtain just one more customer so that I can get my raise. But I am looking seriously into having a home daycare. I have a good business sense, I am organized, I am a CPR/First Aid instructor, I have experience caring for children, I have the desire to teach and I really love to be important to children.

I don't care about making a million dollars, buying a new house or car or anything like that. I just need to make what I'm making now and that would be okay. I'm sick of going to a place where I am unappreciated and pouring my heart into my work and then coming home and giving my family whatever is left.

Besides, I can do whatever I want!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Under Attack

Okay, I'm convinced. I am under attack. I hate to complain...however.

Today I have the kind of migraine that makes you think you are going insane. I am light and sound sesitive and nearly went into a siezure from the stupid ad banner flashing at the top of this page.

I had my "review" today. For those of you in professional positions or positions with real bosses you might think of different things when you think of your review. For me - it's a little sit down session where my boss thanks me for putting up with him for another year, tells me I am excellent accept for my attendance and gives me a nice little pay increase.

Only this year there was no increase. I understand. I am okay with that. They have to give the the guys in the field the money so that they don't quit. They have worked with me on my scheduling and let me work 7-3 instead of 8-5 so that we can save on daycare. So that's like a raise in itself.

I only wish that it hadn't been preceeded by this:

My Boss: I haven't done your review yet, because you do some work for The Controller, so I thought maybe he should do your review.

Me: Oh, okay I understand.

My Boss: Well, he said that you only do a few things for him, and if you only did a few things for me then I better find out what you are doing all day...

Me: Stunned silence...

My Boss: So, could you write down what it is that you DO do all day and hand that in. Then we'll decide who you work more for and that person will do your review.

Me: Jumping over the desk and screaming "Are you kidding me what do you THINK I do all day??!!".

Okay, that last part wasn't entirely accurate. I just went ahead and wrote it all out (not the first time). See, I tend to be a bit of a "here Andrea, will you help out with this" kind of worker. "Duhh...Okay!" My job has become less and less of what it once was, and more and more of a catch all position so no one person sees the direct result of my efforts.

Also, I might feel better about no more money if they remembered Secretary's Day for once! Every year they forget. Then someone remembers, they say that they'll "have to get together and do something" for it and never do. They took the whole office out for lunch this year, on a day I was gone.

Enough complaints. Last night Alahnnah and I had the best night in a long time. She helped me make dinner and laid down with me before bed and I got all the hugs and little kissys I could handle. What a beautiful little girl and what a nice thing for me! Her and I go round and round. We are cut from the same stubborn, willful, pridefull cloth.

But last night was so sweet. I'm going to hold that close and let it infuse me with peace and joy today. Everything else is just incidental, so there.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Lonely Friday

Tonight will be different when I get home. Used to be that David was off on Fridays and I looked forward to getting off work and going home to him. ***Sigh*** Tonight it will be just like every other weekday.

Me: Hi. When did Susan go down?

Him: Hi honey, oh about 20 minutes ago.

Me: Great, how was your day?

Him: Pretty good, tired though.

Me: Oh man, I know babe - me to. (Big hugs, nice smoochy smoochy)

Him: Have a good night.

Me: You too, honey - I love you!

Sad looks all the way around and waves bye-bye.

And that's it for the whole day. Wash, rinse, repeat. Until tomorrow when I get to TALK to my husband! And I'm so excited too! We are driving back to his families' neck of the woods for a visit. And I would gladly give up Friday night for Sunday all day! Woo hoo! It will be so nice to get out of town and have some drive time and talk time.

Tonight I'm trying to get creative...methinks it's time for the girls and I to break out the hot rollers and the foot bath and play Beauty Shop! Maybe Liam will let us put makeup on him...or maybe I'll hold him down and let Alahnnah do it anyway! HAHAHA!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Power of Affliction

A few months ago I got to thinking that God and I were just not personal anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know who moved, but I was just feeling like you feel when someone you care about is gone for a long stretch. You miss them but you know you will see them soon so you don't really worry about it. Still - you sit and think and sometimes doubt thier allegience to you and you just can't wait til you see them again so that you can be reassured.

That's the way it was going for me and God. I didn't understand the quasi-apathy that was niggling at my heart. I was praying, reading the Bible and going to church - but felt like it was "same old same old".

Well - for those of you who are new here, let me just say that when I told God that I longed for that intimate all dependent relationship we used to have in the begining, he gave me many reasons to rely on him as of late.

And while I wouldn't recommend any of the things that I have been through lately as a means to draw closer to Him, they were very effective. Furthermore, it seems He's not done yet.

My hand is getting better. I went to see the ID Doc and he agreed with me in that I have been on antibiotics way to long and we need to back off of those and see what happens. Cool - I hate taking medicine.

But now we are on to the next thing. Since the return of my monthly Phenomenon of Fun, I have had increasing discomfort. Quick history - I've always had a rough time, had 2 surgeries in my 20's and they wanted to remove one of my ovaries at that time, I said no because I wanted children.

Last night I was in the worst pain of my life. Now mind you - this is coming from someone that had mastitis so bad that I had to lance a blister several times per day (yes, you are imagining correctly). I have an extremely high pain threshhold. Unfortunately I also have a high tolerance for pain meds (it's hereditary - they have to give my boy adult dosages of numbing at the dentist).

So last night when I finally took 2 Percocet and it didn't even touch it I realized that we may have another problem. Pregnancy, and breastfeeding is supposed to lessen symptoms of Endometriosis. So it looks like we might be dealing with something else here.

I feel good - I know that whatever comes my way that God's totally got my six. I am getting a little confused as to why so much physical pain has to go with this lesson. You know, I'm a pretty fast learner and a good reader...maybe I can just pick up the Cliff's notes for the rest of this...sigh.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Getting There

Well, while getting up at 5am seems a little crazy at first, it's really going pretty well. Monday I did some treadmilling for about 45 minutes, yesterday I did one of my exercise tapes for strength training and then today it was back on the treadmill. I was about to say that it's the only time I get that is kid-free, but then I remembered that Alahnnah was up with me this morning. I tucked her in next to David and she went back to sleep.

I was listening to Back to the Bible this morning for a while and they were talking about the confession of sin. Jesus taught in the New Testament that if you sin against someone you should go to them and confess your sin. What they were saying on the radio was that, Biblically, if you sin agains many - you should confess to many.

They gave an example of a man, who in his youth, visited Austrailia. While he was there he stole a boomarang from a historical display. Twenty years later, God pressed apon this man to confess his sin. So, he wrote a letter to the Mayor of the town that he stole it from. He included his contact information in the letter. The mayor of the town showed mercy and didn't persue this man because of his honesty and his willingness to confess.

That got me thinking about my own sin. I have been able to control my mouth lately, but I still think like a sailor. And I'm really not to good and telling God about it. Even though he knows about it - it's no good to just leave it like that. I need to start taking an inventory at the end of the day and analyzing the thoughts I have had. Are they as good as my actions? Or do they need a little work? Have I offended God in my thoughts by thinking bad things about his other children?

Monday, August 11, 2008


What do you think of when you think of a Mom? I guess it would depend largely on what your frame of reference is on the subject. Meaning that, whatever kind of Mom you had (have) is what you think a Mom should be (or shouldn't be).

Nobody's perfect, not even dear Mom. Some days I feel so far left of center that I question whether I was a good choice for a Mom or not. Lately I have been feeling the "just leave me alone"s. I don't want to hear about Princesses or video games or anything. I just want to think all on my own. And I don't want to think about work, or work, or housework, or finances, or family. I just want some totally brainless downtime.

So, in that, I feel like a totally bad mother! I don't know how many "shoulds" I can come up with that I'm not fulfilling, but I bet thiers a bunch. With kids it's really hard to hug them when they've been cheesing you off all day. Earlier both girls were just screaming to scream in both ends of the house. Alahnnah threw away her dinner because she didn't like it and then screamed about being hungry. Susan is just teething like 4 at a time, so she just screams from pain.

And I want to scream to!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Cheese With That Whine?

Wow am I ever tired of having issues. It seems every time I turn around these days there is some kind of owie bugging me. Dave assures me that it doesn't sound like whining to him, but I think he's just sweeter than most.

Today was church and Sunday school. I got to be in the nursery during worship hour and that was fun. I work in the one year old room. So I get to spend some time with Tiny and play with some other babies too. The one little girl was quite the destroyer but oh so sweet! Her mommy was our wedding coordinator and such a sweetheart herself. David has known Geri for many years and its kind of neat that we have babies that are two months apart!

Yesterday we went and hit a nice sale at Shopko. We picked up the kids' backpacks, shoes, ans undies and socks for school. They both found shoes very quickly and even acted gracious and happy to get them! Maybe they aren't totally spoiled afterall. I picked up a couple of shirts that were on clearance for $3! Talk about a successful shopping trip.

Tomorrow starts a new shift for me. I will be able to work an hour later everyday and won't have to pull a ten hour day on Fridays anymore! I am going to start getting up at 5 to workout too. I just don't do it if I don't get it done in the morning. Guess I better start going to bed on time, huh?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Letting Off Steam

am low down in the dumps depressed today. I am so out of patience with the Saga of the Hand, I could scream.

It started in June. They thought I sprained it and put a splint on it. Then they started treating me for gout, then it was off to a rhuemetologist and a shot in the butt of cortizone, which started my hand on fire as soon as I left the office.

The next day I saw a surgeon, the day after that surgery to drain a pocket of staph infection, an overnight stay in the hospital with complications, allergic reactions, and pain that wouldn't stay under control.

Then it was whirlpool treatments and packing and unpacking the wound every day for two weeks. I had to be heavily drugged and it hurt so bad I screamed the first two times. Another horrible allergic reaction to the antibiotic, a different antibiotic ($250 a bottle) side effects from being on pain meds for to long.

The incision finally healed up and we were on the good path. Then things started to get bad again. I spent all week this week trying to be seen, telling them it was swollen, red and very painful, burning, throbbing, itching. No one would listen to me. I finally was seen yesterday.

NOW I am being referred to an Infectious Disease doctor who can't see me for another 10 days. They changed my antibiotic once again and, with a subsequent "not my problem anymore" shoulder shrug, sent me on my way.

I'm mad. I'm frustrated. I have come to the end of the line with my trust, patience, and tolerance. Pray for me today, and pray for those around me.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I Think It's Getting Worse Again

I am very discouraged that this hand issue isn't getting any better. I had to call THREE times this week to get some pain pills and they generously moved my follow up appointment up a couple of days.

Today I finally asked her if I needed to see my GP, or if Dr Gove would want to see me... that seemed to "light a fire" and they conceeded to even entertain the notion that I needed to be seen again.

I understand that they may no know what to do with this issue, but a little sympathy would go a long way.

Thanks But No Thanks

The weird dreams can stop now. I'm so tired this morning becasue I wasn't sleeping last night, I was fighting!

Last night I dreamed that instead of changing the baby, I just would change the whole bottom half of her. So instead of grabbing the diaper to throw away after I was done, I grabbed a butt and a set of legs. I was thinking "how do I know they will grow back?" So wierd.

Also, The Ex showed up in my dreams again. This time it wasn't good. Normally he just floats through, but this time was ugly. Yesterday I had to do a bit of damage control over the phone with him. There were some papers that needed to be completed for the adoption. Apparantly when the petition was submitted to the State, Vital Stats had changed thier requirements and needed one more form.

So, of course, he was irritated and confused about why he was having to sign more paperwork and have it notaraized. At this point I think he thought that we were trying to pull one over on him. So, The Holy Spirit took over my mouth and spoke through me - with love and compassion and patience. I explained the best I could, then called my attorney, then called him back. He signed the papers, felt okay about it and we even chatted for a couple minutes. It seems he is having some health problems, so I made sure to pray for him for that.

Yesterday, this kid I know at work was just telling me that he passed on some of "my advice". I was a little worried as to what "pearl of wisdom" he had gleaned from this screwed up sinner.

Forgiveness. He had shared a situation regarding a relationship a few weeks ago and I had shared what the Bible says about forgiveness. I guess I didn't think he was really listening. (!)

But he was and has even passed this solid Truth on to another buddy of his. When he related that yesterday I immediately thought of The Ex and all the years it took to truly forgive him.

Wow, my experiences are being used to further the Kingdom! I am humbled and also a little relieved. While I know that I go through nothing for nothing, it's hard to see concrete evidence sometimes as to how God will use it for His good.

Wierd dreams notwithstanding, I had a great day yesterday. Oh! Also, I am helping another woman build her home business! I am so excited for her and feel so wonderfully useful to be her personal mentor and guide. I thought building my own business was! This is tons better yet!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Update on My Stupid Hand

August 4th
My hand seems to be getting worse now. The incision has all healed but the redness remains. I have pain shooting into my palm and wrist. It turns puple when I hold it down at my side to long and by the end of the day it hurts so bad I want to cry! Please pray for Dr. Gove to be able to find what's causing this and help me. I have been on antibiotics (two different ones) for over a month.

More to Life Than Blogging?

While I can't imagine that it's true, it seems that my life has been to busy to write my blog lately! My home business is really taking off, and while I do have to work for my money, it is turning out to be everything they said it would be.

I have been doing pretty well and stopping what I'm doing at 10:00 and heading to bed. One night last week I was still up when Hubby got home at 11:30, but that was a rarity. Boy oh boy I paid for that all week long, too. Just can't seem to "catch up" on my sleep like I used to. I need at least 7 hours consistently to stay healthy.

Got my new new phone yesterday! I had gotten an HTC Touch, but didn't like the touch aspect of it. Very cool phone, has windows on it and I got it in white. But when you dial so many numbers everyday, you ned an actual phone phone. Does that make any sense?

So my dear, sweet Husband traded it in for me. Wow, I've only had my Blackberry Curve for less than 24 hours and I'm already loving it. I love the keyboard for text and email, love the dial pad for making calls. The three way calling (which I use constantly for my homebiz) is easy to use and sounds great! I even have Tinkerbelle on my wallpaper! :)

On a sour note, I have been plagued by bad dreams lately. I've been sort of a grumpy Mommy because my precious sleep has been interrupted by a barrage of dreams having to do with The Ex. It's like I'm still dealing with all of that and I can't understand where David is, or where Susan is for that matter.

Last night he showed up and needed sun screen. I don't know what that's all about. To be honest, I get concerned about that guy and pray for him on a regular basis. He's had a rough time his whole life. He doesn't know Jesus and doesn't have much positive influence in his life. I'm convinced he's not a bad person, just a victim of circumstance and a horrific childhood. :(

Okay, enough out of me for today.

Friday, August 1, 2008

A Little Reflection

Ten years ago, I couldn't get a decent job, lived from place to place, and had no transportation that was reliable. Five yeas ago I wouldn't have dreamed of stepping foot in a church - unless they were giving me money. Although I wasn't wholly a bad person, I was a severly addicted and abused person, and was not trustworthy or reliable.

Things started to change when the Lord sent me on a job interview. I lied to get the interview and lied in the interview. My resume was all lies and my references were all family - which - I lied about. When I walked out of there, I figured there was no way I was getting hired there - and even if I did, I probably couldn't do the job anyway. I lied about all of my skills.

I just needed a leg up. I knew I could succeed if someone just gave me a chance. I had broken away from my abuser, tried to clean up my act a bit and just needed a break. I lied on my resume becasue I felt if someone would just hire me, I would learn as I went along... Please, please, please - I was so tired of donating plasma to buy diapers.

I got half way home and my phone rang. I almost drove off the road trying to get to it and ended up pulling over to return the call to the staffing agency. Hired. Could I start Monday?

The God made me put my money where my mouth was. The girl that was training me got deployed to Iraq and I was on my own! Ha, ha, ha! Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me.

Been working there over 5 years now. Talk about divine intervention! The company is owned by a bunch of Christians, too. While some days I complain about my job, I know in my heart that it's a gift. It's where it all started for me. Can't wait to see where it goes!