Life Is Beautiful

I sure wish that I had more time to write!  However, just like anything, you make time for what you want to make time for.  I've decided that training for a Marathon is more important than writing, hence, not much going on the blog, lately. I did get a "long" run in yesterday.  I ran by feel (without techy feedback) and did a little over 8 miles nice and comfy at a slow rate.  This gave me well over an hour and a half to think about things as I run solo.  I don't listen to music until I feel like it, in this case the last few miles. The notion that I run to express myself came to mind.  Though not in the way that you can express yourself through art or through, say, flair... I was thinking more of the result of expression. The "what comes out" of the act of expression. When I run, I think.  I consider.  I mull over.  Sometimes I feel convicted of something I'm not doing quite right.  Sometimes I float back in time to a sad pl...

It's been a hard week. Our 12yr old was gone on a mission trip and came back Tuesday, it's been 100 degrees each day, oh - today it's 50 and RAIN - and I think my *nearly* 4 year old finally cracked up. No, one FacePalm just won't do.

It's always good to keep records when you are working towards a goal. I've been semi-depressed lately over the failure of the scale to budge. But looking back I see that I really did loose 2 pounds in March. That's a FAR cry from my goal of 5 pounds, but also a long way off from the ZERO that was in my mind. Might as well be zero, though. I've been working HARD. Certainly hard enough to earn more than a 2lb loss. I workout a la Jillian Michaels 5 days a week and stick to my calorie budget. I drink 8-10 glasses of water and do well getting my 100g of protein a day. It's my crazy schedule. I know I'm not getting enough rest. I get a full nights sleep 2 or 3 nights a week. The baby still doesn't sleep through the night most of the time. I read an article that pointed to the fact that your body needs 7-8 hours of sleep to efficiently burn fat. But what do I do? Just hang out and stay this heavy until our son decides he doesn't need a hug or a ...

That voice is back. The one that has, for a while now, been trying to convince me that a glass of wine wouldn't hurt. Now that voices is a full fledged entity causing me to pause as a drive by bars at 7am. This happens when I get overwrought, overtired and overextended. While the logical choice is to ensure that I get some rest, the alcoholic in me suggests that we kill the pain temporarily and press on like some great martyr nailed to the cross of perseverance. Really, it's just a ploy. She's always in there. And always will be. It was three years in June since my last drink and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I cannot be a "normal" drinker. I don't drink to celebrate, socialize, or relax (okay, those too.) But I drink to forget, soothe, and deal with life. When I quit, I had to re-learn coping techniques to deal with everyday life. Being sober for over three years, I am somewhat of a veteran recovering alcoholic. And not only with length ...

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 Just wanted you to remember that. I'm feeling alot of turmoil due to my job situation. I feel loyal to them but I am just absolutely fed up with all of it. Nothing changes, the rules apply to certain people and not to others, blah blah blah. I quit!

What do you think of when you think of a Mom? I guess it would depend largely on what your frame of reference is on the subject. Meaning that, whatever kind of Mom you had (have) is what you think a Mom should be (or shouldn't be). Nobody's perfect, not even dear Mom. Some days I feel so far left of center that I question whether I was a good choice for a Mom or not. Lately I have been feeling the "just leave me alone"s. I don't want to hear about Princesses or video games or anything. I just want to think all on my own. And I don't want to think about work, or work, or housework, or finances, or family. I just want some totally brainless downtime. So, in that, I feel like a totally bad mother! I don't know how many "shoulds" I can come up with that I'm not fulfilling, but I bet thiers a bunch. With kids it's really hard to hug them when they've been cheesing you off all day. Earlier both girls were just screaming to screa...