Life Is Beautiful

I've been sitting here stalling. I need to write this blog but I don't want to out myself. Somehow when you say something it then becomes real. I've tried several first lines, fiddled around with some titles, and tried to lighten it up. I can't decide what to think, so it's hard to write it down. I love our children. I want more. I tell myself and everyone else that I don't. I lie to myself and say things like - "I'm getting to old" or "we can't afford it." I try to remind myself about how terrible my last pregnancy and birth was, but underneath it all I wouldn't mind having another one. I don't know if I would survive another year of sleep deprivation, another year of nursing, another year of recovery. We already have social issues arising from our plethora of pre-schoolers and hubby and I haven't been on a date since April. It's hard to go anywhere, and with the age spread, harder still to find something th...

Yesterday I went for a run. It was the first run of the season, outside. We are blessed to live in a perfect location for such fun. Our street dead ends at the bike trail, which goes straight to a huge park about a block or so away. Our 11yo son went with me on his bike and I planned to go about 2 miles. A mile up and a mile back. To be honest, I wasn't especially excited. My running experiences since Cameron was born have all been inside on the treadmill. I'm working my way, slowly, to a goal - so I need to well, work on it! With a couple of training days during the week, I'd like to get back to Sundays being my "long run" days. Off we go. My brilliant husband found an application that tracks my running location with the built in GPS in my phone. It has a variety of options to track your distance, elevation, and pace with a feature that automatically sends it back to a website for storage and analysis. Very cool. Also free. I always start out by wa...

Not a snow blizzard, a DQ blizzard. I am learning that eating pounds of sugar wrapped in saturated fat will not, as it turns out, solve anything. Hmph. Just like liquor. Damn. Today was one of the worst days as a daycare provider yet. Normally, there is one kid that has "issues" (my own child, usually) because little kids are constantly growing and changing and well, that can hurt sometimes. But this day was special. Both of the 8mo old babies are teething. Acid diapers causing bleeding diaper rash. The Snot Faucet was on full bore so not a nap could be had. There were tears, there was screaming...and that was just me! Also, I seem to have hit some sort of hormonal flux due to the fact that the last time I nursed Cameron (for the last time) was about 2 days ago. Today I felt like the worst PMS ever. The phrase "I hate you, don't touch me or I'll tear your hand off" ran through my mind more than once. I wanted to climb up on top of the house and ...

The last day of 2009, woohoo ! I feel good about this last year. I learned much. One thing, in particular is that I don't want to give birth to any more babies. Now, I wouldn't mind HAVING more babies, but I don't want to carry them. The wreckage of that was somewhat addressed today in a doctors office. I've been having back trouble. Yep, just like everyone else. I had some chiropractic and some PT, been consistent with stretching and exercise. So then came the MRI, which was pretty clean. So the next thing was this injection I had today. Turns out the theory is that my Sacoriliac joint is inflamed. By inserting a disturbingly long needle into that joint and filling it with cortisone, it should help to reduce that inflamation . This joint is the one that holds you hip to your "back" if you will. It loosens and widens when you are preggers and allows for baby passage. Yikes. It's pretty sore. This guy was not what I would consider gentle. M...