Life Is Beautiful

I guess it took a little Kutless to remind me of what I really am. Sometimes I get a little down about my day-to-day. I'm sure nearly everyone does! I stay home with our children, I babysit a couple more here and there. A couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to even home school our older kids. This tends to put me in a position of servitude. Ever hear your mother say "I'm not the maid!" That's how I feel. A lot. I'm sure most people feel unappreciated at their jobs. Really, the only difference is that I don't get to close the door on an unfulfilling workday and go elsewhere. I was making a Race Day play list and I came across this song. Great Kutless tune. What it reminded me of, is of what a whiner I've become lately. Wah - wah , poor me. Cleaning up after everyone, cooking all the meals, wiping butts, cleaning clutter. Sob. Whine. The most important Man in history set out to save, to teach, to serve. Jesus of Nazareth, the...

I have a friend who has said more than once that she loves me for my transparency. I hold nothing back about myself. There are no secrets. In the appropriate setting, I am willing to tell you everything. If you really want to know. Prior to my life as of now, I had a life that you might not think was very pretty. I don't know how to say this, other than, I was a mess. There were times in my life that I just worked a job only so I could have money to use and drink. I didn't have money to pay rent for very long, so I would move in and move out. A lot. I put utilities in my son's name one time just to get them turned on. I stole checks from my Mom and forged her name. I stole food out of my neighbors refrigerator because she forgot to lock the door when she left. I broke in to my friends houses when I knew they weren't home. I sold things that were not mine for money to buy drugs. I was a pitiful excuse for a human being. I smoked through both of my older child...

Halloween. Ugh. I can't even take the kids in to Walgreen's or Factory Card Outlet and must avoid at least one aisle in every store this time of year. They literally have corpses hanging from the ceiling. Bloody, dismembered body parts, bats with fangs of blood, demons, ghouls, witches, cackling, howling, screaming. Candy that bleeds, huge insects, axes, swords, guillotines. My kids get scared. Fun? Not for us. Those things do not magically become fun on one day per year. And no amount of candy is going to change death, dismemberment and intentional evil into fun. I hear people say that they know the origins of Halloween, but they don't "celebrate it that way." "We dress in nice costumes" they say. "We only do it for the candy" they say. We know it's a Celtic Pagan Festival...we know that God says not to act like the Pagans do...but we just do it "for fun." To them I pose this question: If someone says they do not beli...

It is now 3 degrees here in the lovely state of Nebraska. No, no, I thank you for the suggestion, but I really didn't forget a number when I typed that first sentence - really, 3 - just 3. They say that there's some wind chill factor in there making the "real feel" a chilly 19 below due to some fantastic wintry winds, but I don't buy it. Can my face "really feel" the difference between 3 and minus 19? Fortunate for me I don't have to stay out there long enough to find out! We had another fantastic Sunday today. The kids sang at church, I got to be in the Nursery and chat with a new acquaintance, Sunday school was a blast, I was able to get some groceries and we got to go to a fantastic Christmas party. All said, a great day - Oh yeah AND I didn't have to cook or wash dishes today, so woohoo! But back to the cold... Even the coat I was wearing was crackling and acting frozen by the time we got in the car after the party tonight. My family and I a...

I love music. Anything, really. I can groove on some hip-hop, twang to some country, kick back to some easy listening. My favorite is good old Rock and Roll! When I became a Christian a few years ago, the music was what really grabbed me. The lyrics and the feeling that is in those tunes really brought a relationship with Christ into focus for me. I used to be really afraid of people. I wouldn't even get out of my car to pay for gasoline if I could possibly use the pay at the pump option. It was hard for me to call the utilities to ask for an extension or anything like that! I had this "damn the Man" attitude. I had been in a relationship where he had beat me down emotionally and physically for so long that I thought that everyone was out to get me. After all that's what the person that was supposed to love and protect me and my children told me. I wasn't allowed out much or to drive myself anywhere – unless it served his purposes. And I scarcely even ha...

There is a topic that is on my mind lately. A friend of my on MySpace posted new pictures of her and one of her friends living it up at a bar/club/can't tell. They appear to be impared and there are photos of one of them with her head up the shirt of another chick. Hmmmm. Now, let me qualify this by saying I am not "judging" as I have no qualification or desire to do that. I am, however, concerned when I see people being "happy". For me, happiness doesn't include a hangover, or going somewhere where I have to compare my 30 something body with the 20 somethings. And maybe I just want to stir the pot, open that can or worms, or rock the boat. I'm kind of that way. Either way, let's discuss. Maybe the whole bar scene is okay when your in your 20's. But by the time you are in your 30's it's just kind of sad. I couldn't help but think about these women's kids when I was looking at these pictures of them drinking and acting like...

Ten years ago, I couldn't get a decent job, lived from place to place, and had no transportation that was reliable. Five yeas ago I wouldn't have dreamed of stepping foot in a church - unless they were giving me money. Although I wasn't wholly a bad person, I was a severly addicted and abused person, and was not trustworthy or reliable. Things started to change when the Lord sent me on a job interview. I lied to get the interview and lied in the interview. My resume was all lies and my references were all family - which - I lied about. When I walked out of there, I figured there was no way I was getting hired there - and even if I did, I probably couldn't do the job anyway. I lied about all of my skills. I just needed a leg up. I knew I could succeed if someone just gave me a chance. I had broken away from my abuser, tried to clean up my act a bit and just needed a break. I lied on my resume becasue I felt if someone would just hire me, I would learn as I went ...

...is free indeed. I feel so rejuvinated from going to worship today. I was able to listen to Pastor for once, and really think about what he was saying. It's something I need to think about. When I admitted that I was a sinner and in need of God's grace, I enabled the Lord to help me with things that I had tried to do on my own. Now that I have this power - the power of the Holy Spirit in my corner - I should be able to overcome things, and not fall to sin and temptation as easily as before, right? Only if I let Him, can He help me. I have a problem that I still think "If I just think hard enough about something, I can ______ " I try to work things out on my own. I try to be self sufficient and self reliant, but wind up just being selfish and self serving. I can't, for one minute run my own life without screwing things up and for the most part I'm okay with that. But lately there has been one thing that I can't let go of. It's something really ...

I miss my blog! Unfortunately, I am one handed at this point, so pictures will have to say most of it. WARNING GRAPHIC MEDICAL PICTURES WARNING Sunday July 6th - My hand was very swollen and sore. No visible bite or recalled injury. Went to the doc again - previously they had wrapped it and told me to stop using it so much. I got an antibiotic and some meds for gout. Went back, got some pain relief and a referral to an rhuematologist. That doc said that it could be a type of arthritis associated with the eczema on my hands. She gave me a shot of cortisone in the rear and this warning: July 10th : "If this is psoriatic arthritis the shot will help within 24 hours. If it's an infection in your hand, the cortisone is the WAY WRONG thing for us to do. Call me in the morning". July 11th I hand an appointment that day with a surgeon and had Surgery the next day to remove a large absess of infection under the skin. July 12th before surgery There were several complicatio...