Sunday, July 20, 2008

Who the Son Sets Free free indeed.

I feel so rejuvinated from going to worship today. I was able to listen to Pastor for once, and really think about what he was saying. It's something I need to think about.

When I admitted that I was a sinner and in need of God's grace, I enabled the Lord to help me with things that I had tried to do on my own.

Now that I have this power - the power of the Holy Spirit in my corner - I should be able to overcome things, and not fall to sin and temptation as easily as before, right?

Only if I let Him, can He help me. I have a problem that I still think "If I just think hard enough about something, I can ______ " I try to work things out on my own. I try to be self sufficient and self reliant, but wind up just being selfish and self serving. I can't, for one minute run my own life without screwing things up and for the most part I'm okay with that. But lately there has been one thing that I can't let go of.

It's something really small and that's why it's flown under the radar. Nobody else even knows I'm struggling because there's no evidence. When I smoked you could smell it. But not so with over eating. I manage to balance enought exercise with those extra calories to maintain those extra pounds that never melted off from Baby a year ago.

And no one will ever confront you with a few extra pounds so there's no accountability. Only me, my problem and what I can do about it.

Or is there?

It's not just me. God is here with me. I have to turn to him and ask him for help. I have tried everything I can in my power. Now I need to stop hiding my problem from Him and trying to figure it out on my own, and ask for help. I have to trust that this isn't to small for Him, that He really does care about my measly little problem.

I have to stop listening to my inner dialogue of failure and shame and start listening to the Lord who loves me and wants me to be healthy and the very best I can be. I asked Him to set me free. He came through with the big stuff, it's time to trust him with this.

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