A few months ago I got to thinking that God and I were just not personal anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know who moved, but I was just feeling like you feel when someone you care about is gone for a long stretch. You miss them but you know you will see them soon so you don't really worry about it. Still - you sit and think and sometimes doubt thier allegience to you and you just can't wait til you see them again so that you can be reassured.
That's the way it was going for me and God. I didn't understand the quasi-apathy that was niggling at my heart. I was praying, reading the Bible and going to church - but felt like it was "same old same old".
Well - for those of you who are new here, let me just say that when I told God that I longed for that intimate all dependent relationship we used to have in the begining, he gave me many reasons to rely on him as of late.
And while I wouldn't recommend any of the things that I have been through lately as a means to draw closer to Him, they were very effective. Furthermore, it seems He's not done yet.
My hand is getting better. I went to see the ID Doc and he agreed with me in that I have been on antibiotics way to long and we need to back off of those and see what happens. Cool - I hate taking medicine.
But now we are on to the next thing. Since the return of my monthly Phenomenon of Fun, I have had increasing discomfort. Quick history - I've always had a rough time, had 2 surgeries in my 20's and they wanted to remove one of my ovaries at that time, I said no because I wanted children.
Last night I was in the worst pain of my life. Now mind you - this is coming from someone that had mastitis so bad that I had to lance a blister several times per day (yes, you are imagining correctly). I have an extremely high pain threshhold. Unfortunately I also have a high tolerance for pain meds (it's hereditary - they have to give my boy adult dosages of numbing at the dentist).
So last night when I finally took 2 Percocet and it didn't even touch it I realized that we may have another problem. Pregnancy, and breastfeeding is supposed to lessen symptoms of Endometriosis. So it looks like we might be dealing with something else here.
I feel good - I know that whatever comes my way that God's totally got my six. I am getting a little confused as to why so much physical pain has to go with this lesson. You know, I'm a pretty fast learner and a good reader...maybe I can just pick up the Cliff's notes for the rest of this...sigh.