Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Doing a Lupron Dance

Remember that song by the Pointer Sisters from the 80's...


Okay -- maybe it was Neutron Dance not Lupron Dance but still... this is what's been in my head today. I saw my OB/GYN for my yearly checkup, and we talked about my troubles that have returned with payback. Pregnancy is a great cure for endometriosis, but you can't stay preggers or nursing forever.

Or at least I can't.

Two years ago I was on the eve of another (the 3rd) laparoscopy to remove the dreaded stuff. God decided that we needed Cameron instead of another surgery. I knew that things would get bad again and we'd revisit.

Last time we talked about Lupron, it was relatively new and I was a little scared of it. It is hormone therapy that "shuts off" the estrogen, thereby putting you in a somewhat menopausal state. We wanted more children fairly soon at that point, so I didn't want to go jacking around with things.

At this point, I can't say that we don't want more children...only that I don't want to give birth to them. On that, I am pretty sure. Another new development is the addition of a progesterone "add-back" that helps prevent the severity of the side effects.

It's still a little scary. For the next 2-4 weeks, things will get worse than they have ever been. The drug acts to overload me with estrogen and plug the receptors - thereby shutting them off. Doc offered to call me in some narcotic pain relievers if it gets to be to much. She told me just to call if I need them. Now there's a vote of confidence...

I have decided not to read up on all the side effects and such. I think I will simply let my experience speak for itself. Sometimes one can over-research things and get into mental trouble. I do understand that some folks feel a little crazy on this therapy and can't handle the mood swings...that sounds like a normal day around here! ;)

Anyhow...feeling strange. I don't like making chemical changes to my mind and body (anymore). The ones in my 20's were much more interesting. Heh, heh, heh...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sunday

Another busy day! Started out at 6:30 with a good long 5 mile run. I was NOT happy with my pace time, but it was 70 degrees already and had just stopped raining when I went out. I tried to go back to bed - but my wonderful husband looked out the window for me (me without my glasses) and verified that it wasn't raining anymore.

Thanks, dear.

Got to play in the nursery during worship, then teach our 3rd and 4th grade Sunday school class. I have now not been to service for a month. I will download the sermon and give it a listen on Tuesday. We have been looking for someone to alternate Sundays with us so that we can go to Sunday school one of these days, but you know how that is. No takers. Being a fairly new Christ follower (since May 2005) I feel like it's stunting my growth. I have questions and want to talk with other adults about the Bible and what God has to tell us.

We will see.

Wore the wrong socks on my run today and got a little blister. Susan stepped on my big toe and the nail is almost all the way off. :( My run on Tuesday is going to be tons of fun...and pain.

My Mother and Father-in-law stopped by along with my Brother-in-law! It was really nice to see them and visit a little. I feel so bad that we haven't been up there in over a year. DH's schedule is such a pain and I have no desire to drag 4 kids 2 1/2 hours up and then back in one day. Bad Daughter-in-law. They are still nice to me though!

Weigh in tomorrow! I have worked very hard this week and hope to get rid of TWO this week instead of just one like usual. I have resigned myself to the fact that no matter what happens, I will not change. I eat well and exercise no matter what Senor Scale sayeth. So there.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Here I Am, Now What?

When setting out to lose 88lbs, there were some things I did not do. For one thing, I diminished the amount I needed to loose. I never told anybody the real number when I started, but only began to share my journey when I was about 20lbs down.

There was one thing I did do. I set smaller goals to make it not seem like such a big job. My first goal was getting under 200lbs. The next goal was making it halfway. Next up was 50lbs down. My next goal in sight is 15lbs away and is "Wedding Weight." Sometimes things get stale and I cut out any treats until I break the next decade of numbers.

Little rewards have come with my Mini-Goals. A hair cut, some new workout clothes, a DVD. But here I am at well over the 50lbs lost marker, and I'm actually afraid of the reward I set for myself.

A few sessions with a personal trainer.

Why? Well, the main thing is the time it will take away from my family. Fitness endeavors take time. I get up at 5:30 to workout, so I don't have to do it in the evenings. The longer my runs are on the weekends, the more of a time commitment they are. I spend more time shopping for and preparing meals because my body (and yours to!!) requires good fuel in as close to it's natural state as possible.

Some conveniences I do indulge in (frozen cut fruit and veggies, store bought bread and pastas) but for the most part I cook from scratch and clean up from 3 meals a day. And I'm certainly not saying I get it right all the time. There are times when something delivered to the door is just what the Doctor ordered!

I've been mulling this 50lb reward thing around in my head for quite some time. I ignore it for the most part and tell myself that it's just to expensive. I finally got my new pair of Asics and have chalked those up to my reward. I know that I could really benefit from the trainer sessions - I'm just afraid of being quite THAT selfish.

Yet.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Raising Kids is Hard

I'm finding it very difficult to raise young people.

Small children are relatively easy. Change a diaper, teach sharing, redirect undesirable behavior. They need a lot of your attention, but all you have to do is roll the ball, rock the chair, or find the blankie and you are the hero.

Fast forward several years to the pre-teen age. I'm so damn confused most of the time you'd think I'M the one going through puberty!! I think I'm making a well loved meal only to have it sniffed at and snubbed. I try to remind about personal hygiene and get the stink eye for it. If I comply with the "leave me alone" request, I am told I never pay attention.

Why did God make us this way at this point in our lives? I told our son when he asked me this, that it's a way for us to learn to lean on God. In childhood we lean on our parents. They can do anything, Dad is Superman and Mom is Wonder Woman! As we grow, our troubles come and even Superman and Wonder Woman can't help.

But God can! And that's what I have to remember about being the parent of one of these confused critters. God still loves me even if my child acts like he doesn't. I pray fervently every day for direction in parenting. I feel so clueless...but never hopeless!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hitting the Ground Running

Back from vacation - what a fantastic journey! Drove 2,500mi round trip and not so much as a flat tire. Thank you Lord! Here's a link to the pictures I took.


My goal was to continue on my exercise regime and track my calories and LOSE weight on vacation. Well, life has different plans sometimes. I ended up getting a terrible cold and losing my voice for much of the trip. I didn't feel especially ill, but couldn't talk, coughed a lot and had a hard time catching my breath. Combine that with some pasta and 2 nights of ice cream and there you have it...up half a pound.

Fortunately, this week is a test of my endurance and will likely help me to counter last week. Our church's Vacation Bible School is this week. I am playing a costumed character in a couple of skits and have also decided that I should hang out in the music room. They are doing some neat moves along with the singing that looks nearly like an aerobics class.

Can you say calorie burn?

I ran Sunday, did a 45min weight lifting DVD on Monday, and ran yesterday. Today is supposed to be my "big calorie" day in my calorie cycle (1700, 1400, 2000 repeat) but I'm going to cut it by 200. All of this combined and I am hoping to loose the pound I should have lost last week, plus the one from this week.

High Five! Woohoo!! I can do it!!!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Throwing a Fit

I'm having a hard time putting our nearly 3-year-old to bed lately. Naps and night time = nightmare. I have to physically take her by the hand, change her into appropriate clothes/undergarments, pick her up kicking and screaming and place her in her bed. Sometimes she jumps up and down screaming other times she simply continues to get out of bed, I lay her down over and over and over.

I really hate it when it keeps our 13mo old from sleeping. He has been the Sleeper Who Didn't since birth - so getting and keeping him on a schedule is paramount.

I'm very good at remaining calm and emotionless most of the time when dealing with her. Our oldest daughter put me through nighttime hell for several years. I was a smoker back then, and I would go out on the balcony of our apartment and light up in between times I checked on her. One time I called my Mom at my wit's end and said "I just don't think I can listen to her screaming anymore!" My sweet Mother, in her experience and wisdom reminded me of what the alternative was.

***heavy sigh***

Last week we had an especially hideous nap time episode. After repeated attempts at placing her in bed (and catching a kick to my face for my efforts), I had decided to ignore her and continue with the routine. I was holding Cameron and rocking back and forth while singing the usual songs. After putting the baby in his crib, I sat down next to her toddler bed and continued to sing.

She was freaking out and telling me not to sing. Shaking her head back and forth and screaming with tears streaming down her little cheeks. I stopped singing and sat there with my head down. Pretty soon, she climbed into my lap with her blankie. I rocked her gently back and forth with my head still down, still in silence, listening to her breath even out as she fell fast asleep.

I got to thinking about how I'm just like that sometimes. I fuss and scream and tell God to stop singing to me! Stop loving me, I'm mad!! I jump up and down and try my hardest to force my own will. I don't want to follow rules or do the things that are good for me.

But in the end, He is there waiting for me. He sits quietly and patiently for me to come back to him. He always takes me back no matter what I did, no matter how I kicked and screamed and tried to buck His system.

God loves me, just like I love my petulant toddler. Unconditionally and with forgiveness. Pretty cool.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Run Faster Tuesday

What a relaxing weekend. We didn't do a darn thing for Memorial Day. The six of us stayed home and enjoyed some time together. Later, we went for a walk, but that was about it.

This morning I ran one of my faster 5K's. I have a goal in mind for the end of the summer that involves reducing my pace time by 1 minute per mile. Judging from this morning, I'm well on my way. I figure if I continue to loose 5lbs per month, I will be hauling around 15lbs less by then as well. That's 60lbs of pressure lessened off of my knees and hips!! I'm sure to get a little faster, then.

Tuesday is my "run faster" day. I try to push myself and cut some time off of my short run. Today I did better at spreading the effort out over the whole 3 miles. It seems like before, I would look at my watch in the last half of the run and try to kill it to get in under time. That - was - difficult - on the old bod.

I'm learning.

I also started a challenge on the site I use to track my calories. www.fatsecret.com I recently participated in DH's "20 Miles in May" challenge. I went over the 20 miles, so I decided to start a 30 Miles in June challenge. Over 70 people have signed up for it already! May was a great month for running - and now I'm doing about 12-15 miles a week. It's fun to have others participating and all of us cheering each other on.

Here's the link if anyone wants to join. It's a run/walk challenge if you are not a runner. You might sign up to track your calories to! We could be "friends" on there...my name is mortonpixie.