A Pride Post Again

If you pay attention, you can learn a little something each day. Normally, I operate in the mundane. Slow down while eating so you don't choke, hold the baby's feet so he doesn't Riverdance in his own poopy diaper, use electrical tape, not duct tape, to keep the school agers quiet. You know, common sense.

But lately I have had my eyes opened to something pretty important. Pride, stupid pride (insert child gasping at the use of the "s" word). The most difficult lessons I have been taught in recent years all have to do with pride. The word is like a nasty taste in my mouth. I just want to spit it out.

Such has been the lesson of late. Nursing Cameron came to a point around about a month or so ago, where I was continuing on just for pride. He's had four front teeth for months now, and the kid could probably - quite successfully - drink a triple thick milk shake with a coffee stir stick.

About the same time, I realized that he didn't like pureed food. He wanted substance, texture, chunks. He eats table food very well, and actually drinks less milk that his sister did at that age.

God has a way of pushing you toward the right answer if you keep your eyes peeled. Or, for me - someone who doesn't pay attention very well - He can get downright overt.

The day I decided to give Cam some formula, I got a call from a good friend whose baby had just been weaned. My friend is a champion coupon and sale shopper. She regularly gets things for free and stocks up when things are on sale. Consequently, when their little one was done drinking formula, they still had several cans of the stuff that they weren't going to use.

Coincidence? I think not.

I feel a little bit bad, but that's just my pride talking. The kid is a healthy 8mo old that eats three solid meals a day. I'm just feeling bad that I didn't make it to a year. Say nothing for the achievement of making it to 8 months! The only thing getting in the way of owning that success (again) is pride.

My Kingdom for a Blizzard

Not a snow blizzard, a DQ blizzard. I am learning that eating pounds of sugar wrapped in saturated fat will not, as it turns out, solve anything. Hmph. Just like liquor. Damn.

Today was one of the worst days as a daycare provider yet. Normally, there is one kid that has "issues" (my own child, usually) because little kids are constantly growing and changing and well, that can hurt sometimes.

But this day was special. Both of the 8mo old babies are teething. Acid diapers causing bleeding diaper rash. The Snot Faucet was on full bore so not a nap could be had. There were tears, there was screaming...and that was just me!

Also, I seem to have hit some sort of hormonal flux due to the fact that the last time I nursed Cameron (for the last time) was about 2 days ago. Today I felt like the worst PMS ever. The phrase "I hate you, don't touch me or I'll tear your hand off" ran through my mind more than once. I wanted to climb up on top of the house and jump off.

Now, unless someone has called Child Protective Services after reading this -and I need to stay up to be arrested, I am going to bed.

And I don't want to see another day like this one. And I mean it.

A Good Whack

I had the ER nurse take this shot before they stitched it up. Eww...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

A Week of Revelation

This last week has been even fuller than the last one! There has been much in the way of revelation. I figure nobody really wants to read a 4 page account of my life this week, so I'll hit the highlights in a few separate installments. --Your welcome--

I'll start at the beginning of the week. My house tried to kill me. I'm happy to still be alive and kicking despite it's attempt. Maybe we should have chose a different color when we painted. Hmm.

On Tuesday we had freezing fog in the morning. Our older children were up and ready early and had a field trip with some fellow home schoolers to attend. Our neighbor also home schools her kids and is a tremendous help and resource for me.

Our 11yo son went out the front door and came back in, telling me that he'd slipped and things were icy out there. Trying to prevent a serious fall, I went out on the front porch and grabbed the rock salt.

Each foot stepped successfully down our concrete front steps, but on the sidewalk at the bottom, my right foot skidded, and I'm just sure I was airborne. I landed flat on my back, cracking the back of my head on the bottom step.

It really rang my bell and I had a hard time focusing. I couldn't sit up so I rolled to my left side. I tried to cry out for my husband, but the impact knocked the wind out of me. I suspected I might be in trouble. It was then that I felt the warmth running down my neck.

I lifted my head enough to see the blood dripping on to the ground beneath me. I watched for a moment, and it kept dripping. Yep, then I knew I was in trouble!

I'll spare you the details of the next few hours. I had to call the daycare parents to come and get their little ones. The ER was full of people just like me that day. Head lacerations, broken wrists. Ouch. I'm just so grateful my husband could stay home from work and take me to the hospital.

For me, no broken bones. Only a few stitches and a mild concussion. They got me all fixed up and I took the next day off. Felt like somebody picked me up and shook me out. Spent 2 days in bed this week (again) and haven't exercised yet. I will be happy if I maintain my previous weight loss on Monday's weigh in.

Oddly, I didn't have a real bad head ache until yesterday. Got one brewing today as well. 'Course, that my be from the kids, and not from the fall. ;)

Cameron Says "No Thank You"

The last week has been to busy for blogging. I started cultivating a nice infection on Sunday and by Monday had full blown mastitis. I even had DH stay home from work to help me with the children. I was one sick puppy!

My weightloss last week came out at -3.8lbs. Oooh, just shy of 4! I was pretty surprised to post a big loss again. That's almost 7lbs for January - only 3 to go for my 10lbs per month goal! I only got to exercise 1 day last week, but I counted every little itty bitty calorie. Sticking to 1800, still. It sounds like a lot compared to most of the ladies on the weight loss boards, but I guess I burn a lot. Whatever works!

Back to the subject of my difficulty last week. This was the second HUGE pain and in this area in the last month. I suffered with some terrible scabbing a couple of weeks ago that made me want to *scream* every time I fed him. He has 4 teeth and nearly chews through a feeding. All things considered, I decided to try some formula in a bottle for him.

He isn't taking it very well. Not really at all.

I discovered that he didn't like baby food. I was throwing away more than he was eating most of the time. I decided to just start squishing up table food, giving him yogurt, bananas, and other fresh items. He likes it and eats like a champ!

But a big "no thank you" to the bottle.

I guess I'll keep trying. If it takes long enough, he'll be a year old anyway and moving on to a Jersey Cow rather than a Lincoln one. And maybe by then I'll be a Skinny Cow!

Boredom

I heard a quote today that really said what I have always wanted to say about BOREDOM but could never quite put into the right words.

"Boredom is the desire for desires." -Leo Tolstoy

A brilliant writer, Mr. Tolstoy got it right. If you're bored, it's because you are wasting time wishing for wishes. You can't even think of anything to do, so you do nothing.

The phrase "I'm bored" bothers me from the youngest person's lips to the oldest. When a kid says it, it most likely mean "I don't want to do what I know I should do." But when an adult says it - it either means "I can't go do what I really want to do" or "I'm not brave enough to do anything else."

Sad. I hear it a lot from Moms. I don't think they mead that they are bored though. Life is one thing after another. Sometimes it's the same thing. For weeks. Or months. Years, even. But who's folly is that? You're own I say.

Life is an exciting adventure! There are twists and turns of events, hair raising descents, and grueling reward-filled ascents. Each day you wake up you are given a whole day to sit down, shut up and hold on.

But you have to get out of bed. You have to be willing to walk out the front door of you life and step off the porch. Nothing is going to happen to you if you stay in bed rhythmically breathing out the days of your life with your eyes closed and your head under the covers.

How boring.

Weighing The Options

A frequent topic of discussion among people trying to shed pounds is "When/how do you weigh yourself?"

If you are on a maintenance plan and happily sticking to an exercise and healthy eating plan, then weighing yourself once a month is best. But if you are working daily on calorie restriction and working an exercise plan to loose weight, once a month may not be enough. I had been weighing myself once a month, and ended up waiting till the last 2 weeks of the month to follow my eating plan. :-o

Most weight loss programs recommend weighing once a week or less. Weighing at the same time of day is helpful as well. You will almost certainly weigh more at night than you do in the morning. Weighing right before you hop in the shower will give you the ol' Birthday Suit weight. For a long time I was a once a week weigher. Monday morning before breakfast. That was me. But it seemed like I suffered from accountability issues in that amount of time as well.

Either I wait until Friday to start following my plan. Or, I get a great number on Monday which makes me work hard until Friday and then the weekend is full of 'rewarding' myself. Then I get a bad number on Monday (water weight from those salty rewards I'm sure) and go off plan for the next week.

I've been reading some recent research on this topic and found a study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine that suggests that:

"adults who were trying to lose weight as well as overweight adults who were trying to prevent weight gain found that those who weighed themselves more often lost more weight and prevented more weight gain over two years than those who weighed themselves less frequently." Taken from This Site

Apparently there is changing thinking on the frequency of weigh ins. Though, I would like to point out that some people are more sensitive than others. If you can't handle seeing a different number on the scale every day, then this approach may not be for you. It can be a fantastic tool to determine foods that cause water retention and stay in tune with your body's monthly clock. But it can be discouraging to see 3-4lb fluctuations every day when you are working so hard.

I'm trying to weigh more often than weekly. So far so good. I'm not weighing daily, but M - W - F...okay and Saturday. So far this week I've had a fabulous number every day. It's kept me stoked and fighting another day. I'm fighting to keep that number until Monday which is my "official" weigh in day.

Whatever works.

Run Away

Had me one of those days where I just wanted to run away. I placated them with cartoons long about 4pm and just stood in the kitchen for a while. Made some coffee, chugged some black, and moved on.

Getting back into the swing of things with school has been hard. For me. The kids are happy to have something to do on these sub-zero days, but it's extra work and I had just gotten used to not doing it. I love accomplishing something though, and getting done by 2pm gives me that feeling.

Cameron is sleeping better than ever and that's a plus. However, the kids haven't been outside since Sunday when we went to Church and I'm ready to bash The Biggers heads together and tie up one of The Littles and throw her in a closet. **Of COURSE I wouldn't do that**

I've been easily able to stick to my diet plan this week. I decided that I'm to busy to log food on the computer and have been keeping a running total on the white board. Works great - most foods have a label, and the ones that don't I look up on the net. I had to take a mid-week peek and was down 4lbs. Yeah - I know - it's most likely a fluke, but it encouraged me to keep going.

One of my main areas of personal focus, currently, is coping with stress on a minute by minute basis. When days are difficult, I find myself longing for 9pm ALL day and just bulldozing through my day to that end. I've started trying to take things slower, give myself (and the kids) a break and try the smile and breath strategy.

Default to a smile. That is my reminder. Even if I'm screaming in frustration on the inside, that smile permeates and calms. It reminds me that it's not the end of the world. That things are good. That time is short, and children are guaranteed to grow up. That tomorrow is another day to try. Another day to do better.

I forget a lot, but I'm doing better. Oops, there I go again, almost forgot. ^_^ Smile!

My Alarm Clock

You awake? Because I am. At 5:30 or so every day. Feed me. Hold me. What was that!? Your 'real' alarm. Yawwnn. I'm tired, put me back to bed, and get to work - those other kids will be here soon. Snooore.

Sky High Bread

I was so appalled with the price of bread today at the grocery store, that I just had to snap a picture. Wow. And this was at a warehouse super store where I have to forage and haul my own purchase. I want to feed my family well, but with $3/gallon and higher milk (which translates to uber-expensive cheese and yogurt) and $2/lb apples in my cart, I left the bread. I admit it, I grabbed the store brand psuedo-wheat bread. We'll slap some lean meat and lite mayo on it and figure two out of three ain't bad.