One of Those Women

Hopped on my scale today for the first weigh in in quite a while.  I figured as much - I'm up to the top of my five pound "acceptable" range.  Time to make some tweaks and back off the cliff.  If I take a good look at the last month or so, my water consumption has been very low and my fruit and veg have been terrible.  I drank a green smoothie every day for almost a year - and had to take a break.

Oh well, time to get back to it.

Just a few years ago, I could never imagined that I would be one of THOSE women.  You know, those women who don't weigh themselves or obsess over calories, fat and carbs.  Those women that go by how their clothes fit and how they feel to determine if they should cut out treats for a while.

Those women without a weight problem.

Okay - so while I haven't been genetically altered I do think that after 10 years of behavior modification and consistency I may have obtained a little more normal outlook on food and fitness.  I still sometimes "punish" myself with exercise and "reward" myself with food - but overall my attitude and self esteem is better and I've maintained the same weight (within the 5lb tolerance) for a little over two years.  I can't say that I'm 100% okay with how I look - but I am serious about working on that.  I refuse to live my life with any regret - even regret over my physical appearance.

My next goal in improving my physical health is to loose 5% of my body fat.  I am at 30% which is unusually high for someone that exercises so much - but it's genetics.  I started a focused and consistent weight training plan in June and have gone down 1% since then.  I plan to continue that and also add some supplements.  The first of which will be Fish Oil.  I've been researching this supplement and 3 others that are purported to be safe and effective.  I plan to add one in per month to assess proper dosage and side effects.  Fish oil is relatively inexpensive and appears to be quite safe according to many reputable sources.

One of the others is Green Tea Extract - though it's primarily caffeine and I'm not sure that I like that.  Too easy to OD on that.  I am trying to be very careful and take my information from several different sources on these supplements.  I would very much like to get down to a lower body fat percentage, and it's clear that just exercise isn't going to do it for me!

I'm hoping that the fish oils will help with my back issue as well.  I have joint problems back there, and the omega 3's are said to help out with that.  Anything to keep that snowballing problem at bay for a few more years.  At just 37 years old, it's hard to consider living with chronic pain for another 40 - 50 years...must do something about it!

Magical Fish Oil...you read it here first.  *wink*

Scaling Back

So very grateful that I work from home.  My back has been up to its usual tricks with increasing frequency.  I am very aware how blessed I am that on especially difficult days (like today) I can sit in my rocker with the heating pad and read books to kiddos, assist with a puzzle, or even allow a little extra TV.  If I could only figure how to cook meals and snacks from here...

I was talking with my sister the other day about my tentative plans to scale back my training.  While proper daily exercise is very important to managing a chronic pain issue, I'm not sure that pushing my body to it's limits really is.  While I do consider myself a balanced athlete, with time devoted to weight training, flexibility and endurance, I fill my whole year with training for increasingly more difficult events.  This year I trained for my first marathon in the spring, and my fall event is a push to break a time barrier on an Olympic length tri.

It might be time to focus on other goals with my fitness, rather than increased speed and distance.  Maybe the goal of being able to do a head stand in yoga, or being able to squat a full plate (135lbs).  I really love running, but maybe I need to do some walking instead.  I even said all this out loud to my husband - so that I've said it.  I'm pretty sure he was thinking what I've been thinking about all that.

That it's crap.

I don't think I can be satisfied with yoga, walking and swimming laps.  The sweat, pain and mental toughness required to do hard workouts is what keeps the voices in my head from taking over!  Don't misunderstand, I do like easy runs and relaxing yoga - but I couldn't do it all the time.  At this point, walking for an hour would sort of seem like a "why bother."  I know...sounds snotty - I'm not judging anyone else AT ALL - just saying for MYSELF, that would not be worth suiting up.

Oh well.  I did say to them both that I would like to complete a 70.3 next year before deciding whether or not to scale back.  And, maybe scaling back would look like just one major event per year rather than two.  Secretly, I would love to hear Mike Reilly say "Andrea Morton, YOU are an IronMan!"  Maybe when I turn 50. I got a few years before that - maybe my back will straighten up and get with the program by then.

For today - I bagged my morning run in favor of an extra hour of sleep.  I've been on the heating pad and taken my medicine.  I feel extremely lazy - but hoping by evening I feel better and can help my Mom at her new condo.  Maybe I will even get to sleep well tonight.  One day at a time - that's all we get!

My Day Off

Being a SAHM and a home daycare provider, I don't often get a "day off."  I don't really need one like other people do - I stay home and sort of give each day as much effort as I have.  It's nice.  I work from home, so if I'm sick or tired or whatever - we just do less.  

But being a Mom is hard and sometimes a girl really does need a break.  I am so very fortunate to have a husband that is very intuitive to my needs.  I'm also lucky that his job offers vacation time that he can take on short notice!                                                                                                                                              I wish I could say that I slept super well and lazed in bed til late while David shuttled young 'uns to school...but I did hang out drink coffee while he did that.  I went on a nice 5 mile run a bit to late.  I left about 9:30 and by 10 the sun was pounding down and I was sweating really good.                                                                                                                                                         I have a mosquito bite on my tummy, and my shirt rubbing + the sweat was really irritating.  So...on the deserted trail...in the middle of the morning...I did the unthinkable.                                                                                                                                     I bared my midriff.

Yes, I pulled up my top and ran with the wind cooling down my skeeter bite and my belly.  I showed the whole world my 37-year-old mother of four tummy showing and I was mostly okay with it.  At first, when I would see people coming, I would pull it back down.  But I thought "No!  I'm very hot and need to be cooled!  I'm not being indecent and it's okay.  Leave it up!"

So, as an encouragement and an inspiration to other Mothers, I left it up.

And for all posterity, I took a picture to prove it.

After my run, I went to the grade school to have lunch with my adorable 1st Grader.  Let me just say that her teacher is Ah-Ma-Zing.  That woman has the patience of Job and is as sweet as honey.

I always get a little nervous when I go to the school.  I feel like I need to be perfect so that people don't think that my kids are weird because of me.  I don't know, I'm weird.

Susan and I hung upside down on the Monkey Bars and laughed and played and ate school lunch.  It was glorious!

I went home and played my new Yoga App.  I didn't especially care for it - but I'm willing to do some of the other 45 programs on it.  Forty-five classes for $4.99 - wow!  The app is called All-in-One Yoga if you're interested.

After a quick trip to the grocery store and a little dinner (a tomato sandwich, yum!) we went to the kick off for the fall sports at the High School. I have to tell you about driving home from the store.  I was behind a vehicle with a license plate that said Mom X 9 and THAT really humbled me.  Shoot - that woman must be nuts!  Also, I almost had an accident because someone decided to play chicken with me.

You know how when a lane closes, you have to merge into one?  Yeah.  And there's always "that guy" that - instead of waiting their turn, guns it to get up to the front of the line.  Yeah.  Well, today, that person was not going to relent.  They were merging come hell or high-water and I had to brake at the last minute to let them in.

Man...the words that came out.

 Our son is a Sophomore this year and will be playing Junior Varsity.  This means that he plays the Reserve games and the JV games.  It's going to be a busy Fall.  I was proud to see my fellow Links parents there and feel much easier about high school this year!

So a much better day today.  No outbursts or sobbing.  No screaming or kicking or biting.  And the kids were good, too.

My baby is #76.  GO LINKS!

Maximum Pressure - Achieved

I'm so upset that my arms are numb.  I had a panic attack in the dairy aisle of the grocery store.  Really not sure I've been this stressed out for a while.

After a non-stop cry fest from a fussy daycare baby, my tweeny-bopper rushed in the house and up to her room before I could even say hello.  The baby had finally succumbed to napping just before she arrived. She emerged from the staircase sobbing and hysterical.  She had left her gerbil in his ball all day.  He chewed his way out and was loose in her room.  Somewhere.

My husband went up with a net as I tried to fix dinner.  David emerged with blood dripping all over the place to report that "Peanut" was back in his cage.  Just then, one of my clients arrived to pick up his child.  Nothing says "Love and Safety" like blood all over the place.  Pretty sure hubs should have had a stitch where that rat bit him.

During all of this, our teen was texting form school to say that his trainer wouldn't let him practice but he needed me to get him out of just staying.  Whatever.  Come home.  What's the injury?  Upper back muscles spasming and the trainer put ice on and tried to stretch it.  WHAT?  Ok.  Der...sure - lets cool those muscles down before we stretch them.  Uh-huh.

Of course he had ulterior motives for wanting to come home.  He's been wanting to buy a shotgun - much to our disapproval.  And...now that he just got paid for detassling he has the money and the pawn shop is only open til 6.  Can't go tomorrow because of the football game, and on Saturday we are moving my Mom.

...okay here comes the panic attack again...

*breathe*

Presently, my 1st grader chooses to have the daily homework meltdown and proceeds to cry, scream and kick.  I calmly put her in time-out until she is ready to do her homework and get to have a lovely lecture with my teen.  I am told how terrible I am that I am more interested in triathlon than hunting and fishing.  Susan proceeds to make a sound like a walrus and our 4 year old decides to do ninja moves off of the foot stool in front of the TV (so much cooler when it's off - you can see yourself!)

...chest...constricting...

As our teen son is effectually being as spoiled as can be, I give the writhing 1st grader the requisite warnings with regard to the skin on her behind.  Cam continues to emulate Bruce Lee.  David has left to get his wheel at the bike shop and has taken my babysitting money (ie. our grocery money for the week) because he's not sure how much the wheel repair will cost.

credit

Oh my gosh...I can't see straight...my ears are ringing...  HOLY SHIT THE CHICKEN IS BURNING AND THE RICE IS OVERFLOWING ON THE STOVE!!

After making Liam mad enough to retreat and taking poor little Susan in the bedroom for a little swat (don't worry, Mommy doesn't spank mad and I don't spank hard), my husband came home to so much chaos that I'm just glad that he didn't turn around and leave.  I finished dinner and considered going to a bar and doing shots of Southern Comfort, but instead took my one day only coupons to Hy-Vee.  They do sell liquor.

I had to stop in the dairy aisle because I couldn't breathe.  My chest was so tight and I couldn't swallow.  I thought I might have to sit down right there in the yogurt.  I was a little afraid I was going to have a heart attack!  I made it to the checkout, but nearly slapped TWO men that cut in front of me in the express lane.  Instead of tapping me on the shoulder to alert me it was my turn, they just plowed ahead.  Yep, that's right - get yours!!  Don't bother being kind or noticing that I look like Medusa on crack with 2 gallons of milk, 2 flats of water and a bag of peanut butter cups...NO, just think to yourself, I better get my stuff checked out first.  I better not see you in the parking lot, sir.

...inhale....exhale...inhale...exhale.

To top this lovely evening off - I got home and sat down with what was left of what I had made for dinner, and our teen proceeded to sit and lecture me again.  He wanted me to "talk about my day."  I warned him.  He decided to do all the talking for us.  He said he feels like no one supports him at school or at home in anything he ever does.  That he does everything all alone.

This is where the universe imploded and my sanity had an out of body experience..

Anyone with a teenager knows the time, money and heart that goes into raising one.  Their commitments are our commitments.  The part time job costs you more money and time in the process.  The sports commitments, the social issues, the on and on and on...

My filter dissolved into a million pieces, my poor grandmother rolled over in her grave and my Pastor was likely suddenly convicted to pray for me.  I lost my marbles.  I told my son where to go and used an expletive from The Vault.  Twice.

Things did not go well for me this evening.  My sweet husband took the day off tomorrow, though.  He has encouraged me to consider it my day off as well.  He offered to take the kids to school and to care for our 4 year old and the one little (fussy today but probably not for HIM tomorrow) 6 month old we have tomorrow.

If I don't suffer from a brain aneurysm in the meantime, it will be a nice day.

Blogging it Anyway

I don't blog much anymore, because I worry to much that other people won't want to read about my crazy, average life.  I don't want to sound / not sound ________ fill in the blank.  Writing is good for me and helps me cope - so I guess I will just do it anyway. :)

This morning when the alarm went off at 5, I felt nauseous.  Another night of crappy sleep and very sore from hard workouts - so glad when my husband came in with a cup of coffee and set it on the night stand.  He looks like an animal trainer at the zoo when he backs out like that...weird.  I get up well before I need to, because Morning and I are mortal enemies.  I drink a cup of coffee before I even get out of bed.

Down to the treadmill about 5:30 for my scheduled 40 minute easy run.  The computer was not launching the internet so I could watch Netflix - so I went upstairs and grabbed a disk of Stargate SG-1, my favorite show. I did a dynamic warm up which highlighted my tight hip flexors and set to running about a 10:30ish pace.

I really had to force myself to do 3 miles.  I fell short of the scheduled workout, but my body was just done.  Yesterday was leg day and a mile swim, Sunday I was on my feet all morning at church and did a double workout of 45 minutes of lifting and a 4 mile run.  Saturday was  my "long" run day - I did about 7 miles or so.  Looking back, I felt okay on Saturday.

Must be the fact that I sleep like a baby.  Really....like a 2 month old baby - only without the sleeping all day.  I wake up several times in the night and may or may not be able to go back to sleep.  I toss and turn and toss and turn, many times in discomfort somewhere from some thing.  We are getting a different bed next week, so I'm praying that helps!

I do spend some of that awake time praying for our children and my husband, my Mom...anyone that crosses my mind, really. I try to avoid to much thinking - it rarely helps me to fall back to sleep.  I don't read - on my iPhone or otherwise for the same reason.  Nope, most times it's best to just lay there in denial and pray to go back to sleep.

Psalm 37:4 came to mind today when the phone rang - "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."  I only had one little baby to watch this morning, and his Mom called him in sick.  I was sad that he was sick, but so relieved to be "off" this morning.  Little Cameron did his "lessons" on ABCMouse.com and I did a lovely 30 minute yoga session with MyYogaStudio iPhone app.

The rest of the day was fairly serene...had the neighbor over for a little while, put up corn, zucchini and made supper.  I even managed to relax a little over nap time.  My daycare buddy napped (18 months old), but our 4yo son did not.  I think those beautiful nap days are coming to an end...*cry*

I think I will try to go to bed right after the kids do, tonight, and will be skipping my morning strength training.  If I skip that, I can sleep in until 6:30.  I have a swim scheduled for tomorrow night and really want to do my best.  Last Blast Y Tri is a little less than three weeks away - so this next 10 days should be the last of the high volume training before taper time.  If I don't watch it, I will get sick or hurt myself and my race will turn into a spectator event.

I am hopeful that this race will redeem my 2013 season.  I don't have a super-duper goal for it, but would like to do well, which for me means a 35:00 swim, 1:25:00 bike, and a 60:00 run.  Add in transition times and if I come in around 3:10:00, that would make me very happy. :)

Time to rest up and keep my eyes on the prize!