Thursday, September 1, 2011

What I Am

I remember when I started blogging in 2007 - I was pregnant with our 3rd child and was eager to find some sort of group that I could fit in to.  Back then, I was working outside the home in the office of a construction company - an 8-5 M-F type of thing.  I was struggling to define myself so that I could find others with the same label and fit in.

Mother of Kids in School
Pregnant
Employed Outside the Home
Christ Follower
Runner

I wanted a group of women that would fit all of these criteria that I could talk to.  Relate to.  Most of the friends and family I had at that time wore this label:

Stay at Home Mom

So I wrestled big-time when our daughter was born and I had to go back to work.  I was mad at God and felt like he was robbing  me of a chance to fit in.  I didn't know anyone else my age with a new baby and 2 older kids that worked a full time job.  I spent the next year or so trying desperately to label myself.  I got right back to running and ran my first Half Marathon when Susan was 11 months old.  I crossed the finish line and went home to nurse our daughter and felt NO closer to figuring out who I was.

Directly after that, my definition of self got altered, seriously...I found out another baby was on the way and went on bed rest off and on, where I gained 60lbs.  With the babies so close together, affording daycare was going to be more than my salary, so I quit the job I had held for nearly 7 years.  We decided that I would stay home with the kids and maybe babysit to help us stay afloat.  Then we made the decision to Home School our older children.  So, about a year after our son was born I struggled with this list.

Mother of Kids in School
Pregnant
Employed Outside the Home
Christ Follower
Runner


I realized that no matter what, all I can really count on is change.  The one thing that stays constant is what defines me.  Through having a more flexible schedule, I've been able to be more active in our church.  I've had enrichment with individuals that would not have fit into my Friend Matrix before.  I grin when I write this, because I now realize how short-changing it is to have such a paradigm.

I am a woman and I don't need any other label.  Labels are how you keep track of things to use them later.  I am constantly in service.  I am flexible and can change my purpose hour to hour.  My usefulness is only limited by time.  I am an ever-learning machine and my ability to assimilate and use information makes the male of our species gaze in wonder.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made - and so are you.  That's a good enough place for me to fit in.

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