It's Alright It's Okay

I had something profound in my brain earlier today - but I think it got lost somewhere between trying to figure out what to feed everyone for lunch, trying to rest a little and having my eyes kissed by our 2yo, a trip to the grocery store and a mad rush to make Pizza Bites for the church fellowship tonight.

Through the great mouth pain I have been in the last two weeks, something terrible occurred to me. The first tooth that I had out really effected me, emotionally. I wasn't happy to have another one out. I asked for prayer. The extraction was HORRIBLE. Drilling and breaking, a freak-out with the laughing gas. Then I've suffered with dry socket and the packing and extraction of sterile dressing in and out of the wound for almost 2 weeks. It's been very difficult.

Did no one pray for me?

I know that sounds horribly selfish, but the thought did cross my mind today. I know that my husband, likely, did. Maybe my Mom, my sister. And does it really matter if they prayed? I get confused on how all this works, sometimes. God wants us to pray and ask him for things (Phillipians 4:6), but he knows how things are all going to turn out for us anyway. He is the God of the whole universe, ya know. It's not like he didn't know how this whole thing was gonna go down.

But, it's okay.

Other things that I ask for prayer for have gone well. My sister's surgery, Mom's too. Grandma got home from the nursing home, and Dave's Dad made it through. Those things went much, much better than anticipated. When I was leaving the Oral Surgeon's office on Friday, the nurse said how they "were all really sorry that you've had to go through all of this."

It's okay.

I have a theory on things like this. I call them Medical Mysteries and write about them almost as often as I do Running and God. It's not profound, not rooted in anything but experience. My theory on why I suffer these weird and painful things, is simple. The good Lord made me a strong person. I can handle a lot. God knows that. He knows that I'm always up for a challenge and I won't back down when it gets tough. I fear no man, no situation, no grief. I am chased routinely by demons and shadows, but I always know who's got my back. I am never alone. There is nothing that has ever happened without a reason, and a good one at that.

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) Really, it boils down to the fact that I just don't know. It's like when you tell your kid "because I said so." You know that you are doing what's best for her, even if she can't wrap her mind around it. Same thing with me and the Father. He knows what's best, and gives me more than I can handle quite regularly. That way I don't forget to rely on Him.

Okay.

I Need These!

I am constantly amazed when I see people smoking. How can you STILL not know how bad that is for you!? I started smoking when I was 14 and puffed away until age 29. When I was 20 or so, smoking was outlawed in public places in my state. At age 23, my Dad died of lung cancer from smoking. I continued to struggle and puff away until, finally, the Lord removed my desire to smoke. No kidding. I'll tell the story some time - it's kooky...and if you ever smoked, you'd know my quitting couldn't be from any other power.

Anywho - as an athlete, now - when I run through a cloud of cigarette smoke, it makes me gag. It's not just the stinky smell, and toxic fumes, but I get a little miffed. I NEED my lungs! I understand (and care) that my lungs take in oxygen and it is passed on to my muscles. My muscles (my heart!) are needed to use those legs for running and biking, and my arms for swimming.

My lungs might be the most important organ in my body for all of the activities I want to do. It stinks that I messed them up. I've read that your lungs do heal over time. After 5 years, my risk of stroke is that of a non-smoker and my risk of cancer is cut in half. I wonder what kind of runner I could be if I hadn't smoked for 15 years...oh well, all I can do is go from here - and try to avoid the clouds!

Blessing Hands

I've been talking to the Lord lately about my concerns, of course. I wonder if he's tired of my whining, or what, because yesterday I got blessings poured out like crazy!

I had a visitor around lunch time that brought some games and puzzles that her children were done with. Very nice, as this lady lives on the other side of town. Also, we've had some super-duper hot days and the children have had to stay indoors. Perfect timing for new games and puzzles!

Later, as I was making dinner, another kind woman stopped by with some fresh produce from her garden! This is the second bushel (no, really I'll bet there was a bushel of them) of green beans she's brought in a week! She also brought some wonderful beets and some dill worms in an ice cream bucket for the kids to watch. Last summer, she brought those dill worms and the kids were so impressed with how they changed into butterflies!

As if that wasn't enough - I rushed off to a meeting after supper and the hostess gifted me with yet MORE food! She and her husband began a restricted diet, so we were blessed with string cheese, Colby Jack, Swiss, and Cream Cheese! Oh, and a package of hot dogs!! My daughter couldn't wait for lunch the next day and ate one cold, right away.

Okay, okay, THEN...I'm expecting a little boy in daycare the end of July. His regular provider will be on maternity leave so I'll have him for 6 to 8 weeks. I've been really looking forward to the end of the month - money is getting tight. She contacted me yesterday and he'll be here sooner than expected! PRAISES!!

I don't know why I ever worry. I guess its because I still think that I'm the bomb, that I'm in charge, that I have control, that my budget will work, that my money management skills will keep this boat afloat. I forget that He has this all worked out, that He knew how this summer would pan out long ago. That He won't leave us hungry or wanting. Thank God.