I had something profound in my brain earlier today - but I think it got lost somewhere between trying to figure out what to feed everyone for lunch, trying to rest a little and having my eyes kissed by our 2yo, a trip to the grocery store and a mad rush to make Pizza Bites for the church fellowship tonight.
Through the great mouth pain I have been in the last two weeks, something terrible occurred to me. The first tooth that I had out really effected me, emotionally. I wasn't happy to have another one out. I asked for prayer. The extraction was HORRIBLE. Drilling and breaking, a freak-out with the laughing gas. Then I've suffered with dry socket and the packing and extraction of sterile dressing in and out of the wound for almost 2 weeks. It's been very difficult.
Did no one pray for me?
I know that sounds horribly selfish, but the thought did cross my mind today. I know that my husband, likely, did. Maybe my Mom, my sister. And does it really matter if they prayed? I get confused on how all this works, sometimes. God wants us to pray and ask him for things (Phillipians 4:6), but he knows how things are all going to turn out for us anyway. He is the God of the whole universe, ya know. It's not like he didn't know how this whole thing was gonna go down.
But, it's okay.
Other things that I ask for prayer for have gone well. My sister's surgery, Mom's too. Grandma got home from the nursing home, and Dave's Dad made it through. Those things went much, much better than anticipated. When I was leaving the Oral Surgeon's office on Friday, the nurse said how they "were all really sorry that you've had to go through all of this."
I have a theory on things like this. I call them Medical Mysteries and write about them almost as often as I do Running and God. It's not profound, not rooted in anything but experience. My theory on why I suffer these weird and painful things, is simple. The good Lord made me a strong person. I can handle a lot. God knows that. He knows that I'm always up for a challenge and I won't back down when it gets tough. I fear no man, no situation, no grief. I am chased routinely by demons and shadows, but I always know who's got my back. I am never alone. There is nothing that has ever happened without a reason, and a good one at that.
If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) Really, it boils down to the fact that I just don't know. It's like when you tell your kid "because I said so." You know that you are doing what's best for her, even if she can't wrap her mind around it. Same thing with me and the Father. He knows what's best, and gives me more than I can handle quite regularly. That way I don't forget to rely on Him.