Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Miracles and Madness

The other day when my husband was home during the day with us - he looked at me and said the words I've longed to hear. Yes, in the midst of a screaming baby, a naked sprinting toddler, two fighting big kids and the blaring TV - my beloved says "This is madness! I don't see how you do it!"

With my spirit bolstered and my pride stroked a bit, I just shrugged and agreed that it is indeed madness, smiled and said "And I make it look GOOD." Hey, you have to laugh or you'll cry sometimes!

I was happy to be acknowledged. At a conventional job, you may get a regular performance review. What follows would be suggestions, commendations, and if your lucky, additional compensation. I don't care about the compensation as such. I am paid in hugs. I also hold the title of "Only One Who Can Comfort" at times. That is worth a Million Bucks, roughly, in US Currency.

But what I sometimes crave is an overall assessment of my performance. There are things I do just for my husband and sometimes wonder if he notices. I fold his shirts differently than everyone else's because that's the way he folds them when he does it. It's small - but I like to do things "right".

Am I doing a good job with the shirts? Am I doing a good job with the children? I don't know. I guess so. Although I know he would like to see our 2yr old wear clothes more often. It's like trying to tame a wild animal right now.

A naked, smelly, loud, sometimes sticky wild animal. Good thing she's sorta cute.

I don't really need a pat on the back everyday - but things get difficult. I also have to keep in mind that a man thinks differently than a woman. He comes home and sees dinner made, kids still in one piece and a path from the door to the kitchen and chalks my day up as success!

To me, all I can see is a mess, and being half deaf from the screaming freak-out session just moments before he pulled in the driveway - I don't hear his pleasant, encouraging greeting.

Come to think of it - maybe I am getting my kudos. I just can't hear anymore.

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