Saturday, November 22, 2008

Personal Hero

I love a good hero story. My favorite show is choc full of them. Every episode, they save the world and humbly return home to have another medal pinned on their uniforms.

Plenty of heroes in my own life. My husband qualifies on a daily basis by putting up with me. I'm a bit opinionated and stubborn and... He is a very patient man. God gave him the gift of making peace. He can take any situation and moderate the opposing parties so that they are hugging and singing Kumbiyah at the end of it.

One thing I don't want to be anymore is my own personal hero. I used to try my hardest to do everything better than everyone else. I didn't see any merit in second place and wouldn't even attempt something that I knew I wouldn't be just fantastic at. I stressed and strained and pushed and pulled and climbed and scrambled so that everyone would see that Andrea is The Best at _________.

I decided this summer that I needed to try to be Just Me and made a conscious effort to stop pushing everything I did to the n'th degree. So far it has worked out okay and I have really seen some progress. I had been praying for a year for God to work on me with my pride issue and this is doing it.

My new gig tried to put me into my old mode again. Since I didn't have daycare kids right away, I reasoned that I "wasn't really doing anything yet" - so hero mode kicked in. I was killing myself to adhere to a strict standard of cleanliness and daily doings that I thought would surely be on the Report Card when the Stay at Home Mom Police arrived to give me my Assessment.

I realized this last weekend when I was really sort of irritated that my husband hadn't noticed all the work I had been doing. Fortunately, I have somewhat learned when I am just being demanding and irrational and didn't verbalize my concerns. I started to think about it and realized that The SAHM Police weren't coming and there would be no medal or award for saving the house from dust and dirty socks. I saw the lack of humility and the violent resurgence of my pride.

So this past week I chilled out and gave myself a break. I felt more relaxed and more like God was in charge. I get rolling on my own personal agenda and just tell God that "I got this one". It works so much better when I let Him figure things out and merrily roll along.

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