Monday, August 1, 2011

I Give Up

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Hard to do. I like to be in control. Well, until something goes wrong - THEN - I would like it very much if someone would take over. Things don't seem to work very well when I handle them that way. I'm pretty much a screw up, and left to my own devices, can make a big mess.

I had my tooth socket freed today. Got sent home with some gel to squirt in there when it hurts. I'm just a little concerned about the implant process...and about having the second one pulled.

Okay, not concerned, worried.

It's not that I don't trust God. I know that he wants what is best for me. But how close will that "best" come to killing me while it refines me? Yes, yes, I know that I will be stronger and shiner when He's done, but sometimes I wonder if I will still all be here.

I came very, very close to losing my mind around a year ago. Our youngest son has not been a very good sleeper. At all. In fact he cried so much and slept so little, that I began to wonder what was wrong with him physically. Our trusted family physician assured me that it would just take time, and me letting him fuss it out a little.

By the time Cameron was 18 months old, I would stand in worship service on Sunday, unable to sing anything like a praise and feel very, very, sorry for myself. I hadn't slept a good and decent nights sleep in over a year and was about to loose my mind. The screaming of an unhappy child is enough to make you batty - but letting them cry it out day after day is maddening.

I tried to give that one up. I tried to let go. But it wasn't because I actually thought that God was in control. I just couldn't do anything else for our little guy, and I was defaulting to surrender.

Cheap.

But that's normally the way it goes. I get in a bind, can't make things happen, and turn to the most powerful being in the universe as a BACK UP. What? I wonder what would happen if I let this stuff go from the beginning. If I stood up and faced an issue and then got the heck out of the way so the good Lord could do His thing.

It's worth a try.

3 comments:

  1. You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. I'm going through a hard time right now with an unspoken family concern and I've given it to God to handle, but I keep wanting to take it back and worry over. Thank you for reminding me to keep out of the way and let Him work His will in this. **Hugs**

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  2. It is when we go through the fire we are purified! Out will come this beautiful gold. Being human is hard because we simply do not have the understanding of God, truly. Trust is hard, faith is hard. One day at at time my friend! ((hugs))

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  3. Kay - *hug*
    Tri-Livig - yep, I don't understand Him, good thing He's smarter than me!

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