Hard to do. I like to be in control. Well, until something goes wrong - THEN - I would like it very much if someone would take over. Things don't seem to work very well when I handle them that way. I'm pretty much a screw up, and left to my own devices, can make a big mess.
I had my tooth socket freed today. Got sent home with some gel to squirt in there when it hurts. I'm just a little concerned about the implant process...and about having the second one pulled.
Okay, not concerned, worried.
It's not that I don't trust God. I know that he wants what is best for me. But how close will that "best" come to killing me while it refines me? Yes, yes, I know that I will be stronger and shiner when He's done, but sometimes I wonder if I will still all be here.
I came very, very close to losing my mind around a year ago. Our youngest son has not been a very good sleeper. At all. In fact he cried so much and slept so little, that I began to wonder what was wrong with him physically. Our trusted family physician assured me that it would just take time, and me letting him fuss it out a little.
By the time Cameron was 18 months old, I would stand in worship service on Sunday, unable to sing anything like a praise and feel very, very, sorry for myself. I hadn't slept a good and decent nights sleep in over a year and was about to loose my mind. The screaming of an unhappy child is enough to make you batty - but letting them cry it out day after day is maddening.
I tried to give that one up. I tried to let go. But it wasn't because I actually thought that God was in control. I just couldn't do anything else for our little guy, and I was defaulting to surrender.
But that's normally the way it goes. I get in a bind, can't make things happen, and turn to the most powerful being in the universe as a BACK UP. What? I wonder what would happen if I let this stuff go from the beginning. If I stood up and faced an issue and then got the heck out of the way so the good Lord could do His thing.
It's worth a try.