Monday, September 8, 2008

It Feels Like Chaos

There’s a song that has the line “whatever you’re doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos…” The singer is referring to God working on him and changing him. While I love a good challenge, I’m getting sick of the chaos feeling.

My husband said something last night. He said “you know, this year was a big year…and last year was a big year to. I think next year’s going to be a big year as well. As Teal’c would say - Indeed.

Tomorrow is the final hearing for Dave to adopt L & A. Finally, the five of us will be recognized as a family from a legal standpoint. There will be new birth certificates issued, and the name change will be completed as well. And, I can get out some of the things that I have needed to say but couldn’t!

This week I will also make a trip down to HHS to get my state license ball rolling for the daycare. I had another person come and bid the smokes in the bedrooms. That’s not going to be cheap any way I slice it. Unless I learn to do it myself… or if I had a friend or family member that knew how to do it. HAHAHAHAHA!!

I am getting really nervous for my surgery next week. My tummy really hurts and I’m glad that I can hope for some relief. However, I will be all alone again. When I had my hand worked on there were lots of problems and being alone was hard. I had a little angel come pray with me, though. Thanks so much, Gaye! Also, the nature of this surgery is just scary. I don’t want to wake up and have them tell me sad news.

Sometimes I feel like my toughness is all gone. I used to be able so strong physically and emotionally. I had a couple of jugs of laundry detergent that I bought wholesale that needed to go downstairs and I left them on the couch for Dave to haul down there. I never would have done that a couple of years ago! Also, it seems like I can’t take mean people anymore. If I think that someone doesn’t like me, it really hurts – used to be I could write people off in a blink.

So Lord – Whatever Your Doing Inside of Me if Feels Like Chaos!

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