Friday, May 9, 2008

Getting What I Don't Deserve

Ever hear someone say "Take the rest of the day off, you deserve it." "Or, you've worked hard, take a load off, you deserve it." Or maybe, "Indulge yourself, you deserve it." Just snap on the television and you're bound to hear one or a variation of these in short order.

With Mother's Day on Sunday, I've heard things like "treat Mom like she deserves to be treated" and such. Of course these are commercials from places that will tell you anything to sell you something. Even if your Mom was kind of crappy, they have a card or bouquet to celebrate it.

I've been thinking about this because I have someone new in my life who is highly complimentary to me. She's a really neat lady, a Mom, Wife and beautiful young woman. I can't for the life of me understand why she thinks I'm so neat. Sounds like she's been around some really lost and mean people in her life, so maybe just the fact that I don't yell at her is a plus. Whatever it is, she gives me praise I feel I don't deserve.

I haven't cured cancer or won a gold medal. I don't have a prestigious job and have never had a building named after me. Sometimes I mess up and alot of times I can't keep from saying what I shouldn't. I have lied, stolen from my mother, cheated, ran away, and spent alot of my young adulthood trying to slowly kill myself.

I'm just a woman who is blessed beyond belief. I could never repay all that I have been blessed with and I sure as heck don't deserve it. While it feels good to be praised, I'm not used to it. I hope I never do get used to it, I hope it always feels like too much and like I don't deserve it.

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